Papa

Hi again,

So much has happened since I last wrote. Papa was killed by Mama with rat poison in his tea. Since then Mama has not been herself.  Jaja took the blame for mama and is in prison. Aunty Ifeoma and Amaka and the rest of my cousins all live in America. Father Amadi is in Germany, and I am here with Mama. I try to take care of her the best I can, but she is not aware of much anymore and I have to keep reminding her about everyday things, like tying her wrapper tight.

The only good thing that has happened is that Jaja will be coming out of jail.

Kambili

Before Palm Sunday-Home

Hi,

I am home again and the day I came home Papa boiled hot water and poured it all over my feet. It hurt so bad that I screamed.

Later I remembered that Amaka had given me the painting of Papa- Nnukwu to me, and Jaja and I were looking at it when Papa came in and saw it. He ripped it out of my hands and ripped it into tiny pieces. I just did not want to let go and I dove for the picture. I felt strong, like I could finally stand up for myself in something. Papa told me to get up, but I did not. He beat me very hard, however I was not thinking about the beating, I was thinking about Amaka and singing. Once Papa stopped I was put in the Hospital.

Kambili

Before Palm Sunday- Amaka

Hi,

I can only write a little but I just wanted to tell you that I finally stood up for myself against Amaka, and she respected me for it. She told me she did not know I had a voice like that.

I feel so good about myself.

PS: I went to the stadium with Father Amadi, he asked me why I never smile and told me to smile, I wanted to but I could not, I was just so aware of him watching me.

But I ended up smiling in the end.

Kambili

Before Palm Sunday- Nsukka

Hi,

Sorry I have not written in a while but we arrived in Nsukka where Jaja and I are going to stay for a little while.

The whole greeting was very strange and as Amaka turned to leave to change, I was left standing there until Aunty told me to go with Amaka. I dont know what to say to her or how to respond.

Yesterday Amaka introduced me to two of her friends from school. They where just like Amaka, and I watched them look in an American magazine, talk about a math teacher, and about a boy.

After a while one of the girls asked if it was all my hair, I wanted to tell them that it was my hair, but the words would not come out. I wanted to talk with them, laugh with them but I just couldn’t. Instead I started to cough and ran to the bathroom.

Kambili

Before Palm Sunday- Aunty visits

Hi,

Today Aunty Ifeoma and her children came to visit us. When she was joking I looked away and breathed very deeply so that I would not stutter, I just did not know how to handle the playfulness.

Amaka is 15 just like I am but she just seems so much older then me. And when she asked why we never watched TV I wanted to say that it is not on our schedules but she just jumped in and asked if I was just bored with it. I so wanted to say that I was sorry, and that I did not want her not to like me for not watching TV. But I could not do it. It feels like I can never say anything.

Kambili

Before Palm Sunday- School

Hi,

School has started again. Papa asked why I did not come first, and he told me that I could have beat her, which made me feel really sad because he was disappointed.

In the assembly I was picked to start the pledge, but I was so nervous of saying something wrong that nothing came out of my mouth.

Ezinne, a girl in my class told me that Chinwe called me a backyard snob because I dont talk to anyone. Ezinne also brought up why I always run off after school to get to Kevin.

But only if she knew what happens if I come late. One time Kevin told Papa that I came five minutes late and Papa slapped my left and right cheeks at the same time.

Kambili